Farewell to 2013

It is motivating, at times, to see my news feed filled with posts about New Year resolutions, challenges, accomplishments, etc. What I find in reviewing these posts is a common theme that 1) people DO want to change and most of them, for the BETTER. But I also see so many people stuck in a pessimistic, dark, quick sand that is their lives. Burning down other people's bridges before they reach the other side is a quick way to discourage hope, growth, and possible future successes that may 1) change the way YOU look at life 2) save a life 3) promote alternatives to assist in easier transitions to their own hopes and dreams and 4) be JUST the last thing that is holding that person together. 
My hope for everyone in this community and many others, is that you never lose hope, not matter how dark it is; no matter if it appears you have no tools to get you to the other side. I am working the most absurd hours these days and I can tell you that it's not a cliche saying, but true IT IS DARKEST BEFORE THE DAWN!

In 2013, I lost myself, but for the better. It was painful, it was ugly, messy, discouraging, depressing, and pathetic, the way I lost myself. But the difference between losing myself in 2013 as opposed to the handful of times before, is that I now have an explanation for my actions and downfalls. I also had the help and support that I have needed for almost a decade! I owe my life to one amazing nurse at Sacred Heart, my mother and father, my brother William, pseudo sister Nikki, best friends Amy, Douglas, Beau, Yeshua, and my husband, Scott. 

When I was finally able to get my head above water, I answered questions that had been unanswered for years. I had a purpose. Working on myself WITH the help of others, trial and error, and realizing that I could help others with similar stories as mine, woke me up and confirmed that I was on the right path. Nursing is what I am meant to be doing with my life and I was supposed to go through the bloody downfall of wanting to die in order to make it to where I am at this point in time. 

Suicide is not just another sad part of my story, it IS my story. Most of us have had our own experience in some way, shape or form with the topic. This doesn't make it any less painful or traumatic, being that each person is as unique with their emotions as they are with their fingerprints and DNA. 

By saying farewell to 2013, I am anticipating an even more successful year ahead. With that being said, when you see others' resolutions, vague explanations, self-proclaimed challenges, try not to just wave them off as 'another person who is going to fail because that's what always happens.' Encourage people, even strangers, with their endeavors. Your voice could be the one they need to hear in order to get that push in the right direction. Please don't be afraid to be bold in your statements. Some of the most troubled people are suffering with so much pain, they can't even begin to explain it outwardly or to themselves. TELL them you want to help them reach their goals. 

Whether you like it or not, every single one of us affects one another. One person's success could be your future success; the same goes for failures. If I could sum up 2013 in one word, it would be "Loss." 

Loss of self, loss of past, loss of inhibitions, of fear, loss of words, loss of selfishness, loss of meaningless and abusive actions. 

For the new year, the word I am going to focus on is "Gain." 
I WILL gain respect from my peers, no matter how hard it is. I WILL gain an education, experience, love for others, self-respect, humility, health, and a voice. I will gain a voice this year, a voice strong enough to say "No" to things that do not fit my agenda or have a positive outcome. My voice will become a soothing one, one with answers, with support; it will be strong and humble, for everyone who it may reach.